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January 20th, 2005

07:17 pm
My thoughts on today's inauguration

In at least infinity parallel universes, John Kerry won the election last November. It is now my goal to get myself to one of those universes. Shouldn't be too hard, there are lots of them. Of course, in another parallel universe I'm Britney Spears with an extra boob, but let's stick with the useful parallel universes.

08:08 pm
The future of the journal

So I just looked back through the most recent entries in this journal of mine... and you'd think I was a pretty pissed off politician-type person. Which I am not, really. So I'm making a New Year's Resolution. Yeah, that's right, and it's January 20th. Is it a 2005 resolution or too late for that? There are no rules to this shit, so I'll do what I want.

I am stepping off of my soapbox. For at least the next 3 minutes. There will not be any good news coming from the world of government in the United States, North Carolina, Durham, or any municipality of which my current location makes me a part. I will just cover it all with a one sentence political bitching Mad Lib.

"I can't believe that **Fill in politician** **said/signed/believes** **whatever they did/said/signed/believe**"

Because there are so many valid permutations of this statement that I could basically say "yeah, that's my opinion"

Today for example, GWB said that the "unbridled fire of freedom" is going to light up the corners of the world. Well, freedom wasn't so unbridled before you showed up. And I think he means "Unbridled Fire of Freedom" or "U.F.F." -- and the military is of course fond of their acronyms and "UFF" means "Tomohawk Missle." Watch out, Iran.

I invite you also to make up whatever fun statements you can with my little pattern. Some examples:

  • I can't believe that Condoleeza Rice is really a man.

  • I can't believe that Newt Gingrich is going to be on Fear Factor.

  • I can't believe that John Ashcroft was wearing a bra under his clothes the whole time.

The future of this journal is only for the more mundane. My system can't take the politics. At least for the next 3 minutes till I go to cnn.com and have another mini-aneurism.

10:46 pm

Why do they still show bowling on ESPN? Does anyone actually watch that? Well, I guess there are people who watch ER still. There's just no helping some people.