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February 3rd, 2005

10:16 am
Wheel Of Fortune Improvements

OK, so I know the obvious way to improve Wheel of Fortune is to just take it off the air. But since people insist on watching it, I have a few ideas.

The Wheel
A Wheel of Fortune shouldn't always have all good stuff on it. The only 2 "bad" things on the wheel right now are "Bankrupt" and "Lose a Turn."

But where are the really bad things? Like "Lose your parents' retirement funds" or "Solitary Confinement in Sing-Sing for 6 months" or "Have a Limb of Pat's Choice Amputated (NOW)"

Where there are rewards, there should be risks. That's all I'm sayin'

The Players
We've all seen it when they pop 2 people behind each players post -- best friends, siblings, parent and child. Where are the conjoined twins?

"Why don't you reach down with your good arm and pick up that 'free spin' card?"

Before and After
After about 10 episodes, they ran out of normal phrases like "Time Heals All Wounds" "Behold the power of soup." So then they came up with clever puzzle types like "Before and After" e.g. "Stitch in time will tell" See? That's clever. It combines "Stitch in time" with "time will tell" and makes a WHOLE NEW nonsensical puzzle.

I have some others to suggest:

"Here I Come Down Your Throat"
"Oh Shit On My Chest"
"Wouldn't It Be Nice Ass"
"Throw Up Yours"


...and a "Before and After and Before"

"Boston Tea Bagging Party"

06:36 pm
Vanessa Carlton and Time Warner

Vanessa Carlton is trying to sell me cable products.

I do think that I'm in Time Warner's target demographic... working male with disposable income and nothing better to do than watch TV.

Yet I have never heard of Vanessa Carlton outside the realm of Time Warner Cable.

If I was a teenage girl, having her plug a product marketed toward me might be the right thing to do. Sadly, they're missing the mark. (Get Paul Walker)

Now, onto another topic... pissing off the thousands of people named Vanessa.

I'm sorry, but I don't like your name. Why? Because the origin of the name is a little suspect. It was originally created as a convenient short-hand combination of the terms:

Vagina
Anus
Nest
Ass
Nestle's Crunch
Barefoot Contessa

But when you put all that stuff together, it just ends up sounding disgusting. Vanessa. Ew.