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February 17th, 2005

09:38 am
Miss Saigon

I had the Miss Fortune of going to go see Miss Saigon last night, so I offer quick synopsis:

Boring Vietnam GI meets soon-to-be hooker, marries her. Leaves Vietnam in commotion without being able to take her. Marries again back in the US. Finds out soon-to-be hooker is still alive and has his child (from her upstart hooking career). GI tells wife. They go to Vietnam to find her. Pseudo-hooker offers child to father, kills herself, curtain.

Why this show took 2.5 hours is beyond me. But here's why it happened: every single song in the show is a cliched overemotional duet. To make such a simple story drag on so long you need to feature songs like:

"Walking down the street"
"I'm going to the bathroom, honey"
"Hold the child while I load my gun"
"I'm the token black guy!"
"No one cares about us [characters]"
"Andrew Lloyd Weber, you bastard."
"Why am I in this show?"

Just do the it-must-have-been-cool-in-the-80's helicopter part and let us go home.